Professor Benedicta Yetunde Oladimeji is a lecturer at the Department of Mental Health, College of Health Sciences, Obafemi Awolowo University, Ile-Ife, Osun State and a clinical psychologist. The national president, Association of Clinical Psychologists in this interview by TAYO GESINDE speaks on why mental illness may not be cured completely.
Growing up
It was a happy one. I was born in Abeokuta to Christian parents and I attended St Peters Cleaver Primary School, Abeokuta, Ogun State, then, I proceeded to Our Lady of Apostles, Mary Way Grammar School Odo Ona, Apata, Ibadan. After which I gained admission to study Psychology at the Soviet Union. I came back to work briefly at the University College Hospital (UCH), Ibadan then got a transfer to Obafemi Awolowo University (OAU), Ile-Ife. I then went to Wales in (UK) for my PhD. Since, I returned to Nigeria, I have been working at OAU as a lecturer and clinical psychologist and that was where I got my professorship.
Choice of career
I like helping people with their problems and also help them to find solution to them. I am a doctor without injections. Initially, I was working mainly with men because there were no female psychologists then but they were very helpful maybe because of the nature of our work. I didn’t really have any challenge in that regard.
Combining the home front with my career
Combining my career with the home front was a bit of a challenge especially in the area of time management. In the early days, there would be seven o clock lectures in the morning and the children had to be taken care of as well. I had help and support especially from my husband and the house helps. It took me time to complete my PhD and my promotion wasn’t as rapid as it was for men. Because when I was going for the PhD, I took my children with me. So, I was taking care of them, taking lectures and going to library and so on. I was practically on my own because my husband was doing his own thing and even went to London. At a time, I felt I couldn’t cope anymore and wanted to give up because I had a baby then but my husband encouraged me not to quit and suggested that we send the baby to our parents in Nigeria to take care of her so that I could complete my programme. That was what I did that made me to complete the career. I thought I would leave her for a few months but ended up leaving her for two or three years. By the time I came back she didn’t know me. It was quite an ordeal getting her to relate with me and her sisters but we eventually scaled through and I am happy today all of my children are doing well because I was there to monitor and train them. Nowadays, I relax and let their dad do all the running around.
On being the proud mother of girls
To the glory of God, my parents-in law never put pressure on me. Even when I became worried when I had the last girl, my father-in law phoned and told me not to grumble at what God had given me. He said all I needed to do was to pray and bring them up very well. That removed every fear and anxiety. My girls are like boys in many ways. They taught me how to change tyres when we had a flat tyre while travelling from Ife to Ibadan. We brought them up to think of themselves as human beings first and foremost. Yes of the female gender but not limited by gender. The oldest is an electrical engineer and the chief executive officer of an international company in Lagos. The second girl is a medical doctor and she is based in Abuja with her husband while the last born went to study Law in Britain and decided to stay there, she only came home to get married and went back.
On today’s women and the challenges of marriage
Today’s women are brought up to think and tackle problems but when it comes to marriage they are told this is your head and you must obey him. Yes, they agree but they are not used to being teleguided. Unfortunately, the boys are not raised up in a way that will help them occupy their rightful position. They want automatic obedience but they don’t know that it has to come gradually and with him showing her with love. For instance, if you both go to work and the girl comes home and prepares food and on getting home, instead of complaining about the food she cooked, thanked her for doing it. Of course, she will feel appreciated. Also, the man should help the woman out in the house. It is give and take, sharing of responsibility because the head needs the neck to survive. That is why marriages are collapsing. So, parents should start teaching their sons that obedient is not automatic; rather, it comes with some responsibilities on their own part too. Another trend is that many young men today are looking for successful ladies that they will use and dump. I have seen quite a number of that. Really, it is not easy to obey a man but if you love the man you are married to and you know he loves you too, it won’t be too difficult to obey him. It is love that is lacking in many marriages today.
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